Motherhood & Career

Balancing motherhood and a career is a significant challenge, but it is definitely possible with thoughtful planning, support systems, and self-care. What I had learnt after 20 years of juggling motherhood and career, is that we must prioritise self-care.

In my 20s, I spent a considerable amount of time honing my craft and building my career. I was a workaholic. I loved my job. But I always knew that I wanted children, so after I got married, I started planning for a family. Unfortunately, I was not able to conceive and lost 3 babies before I successfully delivered my son in my 30s after 8 years of trying. I am now a proud mother of 3 teenagers and 3 angel babies. The early years were a struggle. There weren't many good childcare centres and it was difficult to find reliable babysitters. I did not have a strong support system as my extended family was based outside of Singapore. I relied on helpers for the first 7 years and through many trial and errors, landed on a hybrid of outsourced services and help. It also helped that I have a supportive spouse.

There was a period of time when my career came to a standstill and I could not cope with the long working hours. Therefore I took on short projects and calibrated my goals. Balancing the needs of my babies, husband, household and work is difficult but the end results are fulfilling. There were times when I felt like I needed a superman's cape. There were also times when I felt like I failed at everything I was trying to achieve. However, I had to constantly remind myself that everything will fall into place, and to be patient. Things will work out in the end. I had also learnt very early on, that planning is very important. I drew up 1, 3, 5 and 10-year plans.

I had also developed worksheets and a system at home that allows me to "automate" certain tasks and basic decision-making. These included worksheet for our weekly meal plans which translated to our grocery lists, or shared family worksheets where we could add comments for our children's schoolwork notes, timetables and logistical arrangements (back in the days there were no Google sheets, collaborative tools or online apps!). Time was important to me, hence I outsourced time-consuming tasks like ironing and weekly linen washing. I tried my best to keep things simple.

I had also learnt quite early on, not to aimlessly compare my achievements or failures with other mothers. Any comparison that I made were for the purpose of encouraging and driving myself to do better, looking up to successful mothers as my role models.

There are always debates around Stay-At-Home-Mothers (SAHM), Full-Time-Working-Mothers (FTWM), Part-Time-Working-Mothers (PTWM) and what works best. Though it is only natural for us to want to compare, I had learnt that every one of us have different peaks and troughs in our personal and career journey. We need to calibrate and self-regulate.

Each one of us may have different core values too. What is important to me, may not be that significant to another person. For example, I may value my personal time to hit the gym over daily meal cooking efforts, but another SAHM may value freshly prepared home-cooked food daily for her family every lunchtime.

That does not necessarily mean that I am less of a mother. I prioritise Sunday roasts (yes I do cook!) for my family every week.

You do you! Similarly, it does not mean that a mother who prioritises home-cooked food for lunch over gym time does not care about her health or working out. She may be opting to do so at other times more suitable for her. It important for women to work together to lift, support and build each other up.

It is possible to have children, family life and still have a rewarding career.

Here are some strategies that can help:

Establish Priorities:

Understand what matters most to you in both your career and your role as a mother. Setting clear priorities can help you make decisions and allocate your time and energy effectively.

Communicate Openly:

Communicate openly with your employer about your responsibilities as a mother and discuss flexible work options if available. Being transparent about your needs can help in finding a work-life balance that works for both parties.

Organize and Plan:

Plan ahead as much as possible to manage both your professional and family responsibilities. Use calendars, to-do lists, and schedules to stay organized and ensure that you meet deadlines and commitments.

Delegate and Ask for Help: Don't hesitate to delegate tasks both at work and at home. Whether it's assigning work projects to colleagues or involving family members or childcare services in caregiving responsibilities, sharing the load can lighten your burden.

Set Boundaries:

Establish clear boundaries between work and home life to prevent burnout and maintain quality time with your family. Try to disconnect from work emails and calls during dedicated family time.

Practice Self-Care:

Prioritise self-care to maintain your physical and mental well-being. This might include exercise, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or simply taking breaks to recharge.

Build a Support Network:

Cultivate a support network of friends, family, colleagues, and other working mothers who can provide advice, encouragement, and practical assistance when needed.

Be Flexible and Adjust:

Understand that achieving balance is an ongoing process that may require adjustments over time. Be flexible and willing to adapt your strategies as your children grow and as work demands change.

Celebrate Achievements:

Recognise and celebrate your achievements, both at work and in your family life. Acknowledge your efforts and successes in managing multiple roles.

Seek Professional Development:

Invest in your professional development through training, networking, and skill-building opportunities. This can enhance your career prospects while also boosting your confidence and satisfaction in your work.

Balancing motherhood and a career involves finding harmony between two important aspects of your life.

It is important to remember that it is okay to ask for help, to prioritise self-care, and to adjust your strategies as needed to find a balance that works for you and your family.